joie de vivre
Or at least something less depressing and hopefully less inane.
I share with you, a glorious feeling of happiness, a joy to be alive. A beautiful day.
Here is a picture of my apple tree.
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Patron Saint of Doodle without pants!
Yes it's true, Clamato is banned in the UK...
Woo Hooo.... or Boo Hooo.... delete whichever is applicable.
The Forbes 400
No. 9: Andres MillerNet worth (£bil): 23.0 (up)
Source: Time Travel software
Age: 50; Marital status: Single, one chicken
Residence: Edinburgh, Scotland.
Education: Open University, dropout
In September the TimeLord Inc chief visionary announced his new product, the latest from the company he founded 17 years ago. The OU dropout who has promised "to make Anne Altman a billionaire before next Wednesday" is now focusing time circuits on defrauding the world's bookmakers of all their funds. He has tested his Time Travel Software by insulting the population of the Planet Earth in alphabetical order. This has taken him 14,077,876 years and is now tired and completely knackered. He has already virtually funded the well known and beloved Bloggers Jen at Casual Slack, Doctor Mom at You've Got 2B Kidding and Zed at the World According To Zed. He is working on new sources of income and hopes someday to grow up and become a useful adult. The company is pushing Time Travel software into PCs, TV set-top boxes, games consoles and cell phones. Upcoming features include Omega Man and Soylent Green scenarios, due early 2009.
Everyone, but everyone is entitled to be loved. I love a Haggis. Occasionally, with a drink of Ardbeg. And turnip. And potato.
This post references the previous post 'Fear of Sausages'.
I haven't managed to work out a price on it yet. I'm more of the backroom boffin than the marketing guru. It is rather fun though. I'm actually using it to write the manual.
I have designed the algorithm to work like this:
When the device is switched on it allows the wearer to enter a parallel dimension, created at the point of (power on) and exactly parallel to that of the wearer. This means everything will be exactly the same as before (power on) except the wearer will have entered a parallel dimension. All other life will carry on exactly as before, with other people living their lives as normal.
Although this is not strictly true as referenced from the original dimension which we shall refer to as DIMZERO. When the device times out 8 hours later, or the user aborts, she/he will be returned to the point (in time) of exit from DIMZERO into DIMONE. There are seventeen memory locations built into the ring which the user can record DIMONE events that will be carried and returned with the user to DIMZERO.The only medium for event transport I have allowed (at present) is in the form of an email, ie written text.
I am trying hard to forsee all the abuses this device can be put to, and preventing them in the code if possible. This may be a bit (spoilsport) since everything that happens in DIMONE is essentially not connected to DIMZERO, but the behaviour of the wearer cannot be controlled and they may surrender to the basic human instincts. I also have zero control over the wearer during their journey, and they may surrender to substance abuse, which when in their system at cellular level will be carried back to DIMZERO. The substance may prevent the user from understanding the 'Returned to DIMZERO' announcement, and if they have surrendered to the basic human instincts, they may still behave as if they are in DIMONE.
I am also unsure of nested use, that is a DIMONE user donning another ITGR and proceeding to DIMTWO.I have not done this, and I may never attempt it. I had thought of preventing the close proximityof two differing ITGRs, but this would prevent couples wishing to jaunt. I have termed the journey from DIMZERO to DIMONE a jaunt.
I have produced some statistics regarding the differences between DIMZERO and DIMONE, and there is a 99.9017% correlation up to the eight hour mark. This would extrapolate to approx 99.17% correlation up to the 24 hour mark. Any further than this and the correlation falls below an acceptable level exactly the same as 'real life' or DIMZERO. This however does lead to the 'Back to the Future' scenario. I have harvested DIMONE gambling results and compared them to DIMZERO, with unfortunately 100% accuracy.
This leads us back to deciding a price. What would you pay?
The Haggis pictured was subjected to non-invasive testing and found to be extremely intelligent, with the highest SAT scores for any Haggis recorded. He was later released, completely un-harmed, back into the wild. The radiotag that had been attached was later found abandoned in an old nest, having been modified to receive cable TV.
Update.
Unfortunately the Haggis Research Institute has now closed, and Haggis research outsourced to the Czech Republic. The Haggis population in Scotland continues to thrive and has increased year on year since recording began.
There is no known or recorded population of Haggis in the Czech Republic.