Friday, August 31, 2007


For Zed.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Vaginator™

Ever since I failed miserably in Dutchy's Name that Sextoy contest, I have been hard at work beavering away to produce my version of the Vaginator™ dreamed up by buffalodickdy.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present my interpretation of The Vaginator™:

This is the Laboratory development version of the device, and is controlled by the equipment below, monitoring the patented PantaPleasure™ sensation stimulators mounted on top, and delivering the various gasses and liquids required for extra high tension orgasm.

We are currently in talks with a major manufacturer, and hope to shrink all this control gear to fit into a standard Louis Vuitton handbag.
Hopefully coming in a store near you soon!

Sunday, August 26, 2007


Saturday, August 25, 2007

Telling it like it is.

Text link is here

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Capitalist to the End.

Never one to see an injury-ette as an inconvenience, I have gathered together my test tubes and distilled the essence that will allow a positive outcome in ones life.

All those moments when, at the inception of passion, your partner sighs and says those timeless words, "Bite Me".

Well, now you can, with the new parfum from Sans of Auchenshuggle,

It also doubles as an exceptional fertilizer and cough cure, although not recommended for use with dental veneers. Comes with free Triffid, order yours Today!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Cat on a Balcony Part 1.

When in the darkness you stretch out a hand

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Swim for your life!

Just in case anyone was wondering why I have not been around much,
I have sustained a small injury-ette at the jaws of a Triffid.

I am presently growing a new left arm. I have asked for longer digits.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The ones that got away...

Ahh, those automotive encounters with Mrs. Krabappel. Such passion!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

For Teri.

Friday, August 10, 2007


Just because I'm tagged and admit my true fiscal status, the Markets go nuts.
That's the power of Blogging for you!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

From Fugu to...

I never advocate violence. But sometimes...


Jen and SushiBoy have both tagged me, so I had better get my AIG and do the business:

People who will be annoyed you tagged them…
1. Richard Gere.
2. Bruce Willis.
3. Samuel L. Jackson.
4. Colleen has a sweet ass Colleen has a sweet ass.

4 things that should go into room 101 and be removed from the face of the Earth:

1. Poverty.
2. False Advertising.
3. Officials who are engaged in misfeasance, malfeasance and/or nonfeasance.
4. Inconsideration.

3 things people do that make you shake your head:

1. Drop litter.
2. Parking in disabled bays without any disability.
3. Fail to plan ahead.

2 things you find yourself moaning about:

1. Programmers.
2. Equipment Designers.

1 thing the above answers tell you about yourself:

1. I am a misanthrope.

Question #1: What Were You Doing 10 Years Ago?

Test Engineer for a computer company.

Question #2: List 5 Snacks You Enjoy:

1. Lovely Biscuits.
2. Milk, Bananas & Lovely Biscuits.
3. Cold Milk, Bananas & Cold Lovely Biscuits from the freezer.
4. Apples.
5. Occasional peanut butter sandwich.

Question #3: List 5 Songs You Know All The Lyrics to:

1. I no longer issue long term storage space to material I can find on the web.

Question #4: List 5 Things You Would Do If You Were A Millionaire:

1. I am a Millionaire.

Question #5: List 5 Bad Habits:

1. I procrastinate.
2. I blog at the expense of sleep.
3. I am spectacularly untidy.
4. I tell untruths.
5. I am more anti than social.

Question #6: List 5 Things You Would Never Wear Again:

1. Platform shoes.
2. Briefs for swimming.
3. My purple Lurex shirt.
4. Turtle neck sweaters.
5. My Llama wool shirt.

Question #7: List 5 Favorite Toys of all time:

1. Johnny Seven OMA.
2. Spirograph.
3. Meccano.
4. Lego.
5. MasterMind.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Anyone for a Love Boat?

I'm being kept busy serving Milton with cocktails.

Monday, August 06, 2007


Try and have a good day.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Feel free...

In order to increase traffic, one should lay out donuts. Probably with coffee.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Glasgow Taxi Drivers.

Taxi drivers in Glasgow are probably no worse than in any other large city - if you happen to have insufficient funds.
Gerry from Paisley had been out in Glasgow having a few beers and had missed the last train home.
With no money left to pay for his journey, he approached the taxi rank at Central Station hoping his patter and a sympathetic driver would get him home. The driver of the only taxi in the rank listened to his story but flat refused to take him home without payment up front. Gerry pleaded, but it was to no avail, the taxi driver cursed and gestured him away.

Gerry walked home to Paisley that night.

Some weeks later, Gerry was again out on Glasgow town, and again missed the last train home to Paisley. He made his way to the dreaded taxi rank in Central Station, and there, second in the rank, was the same driver that refused him two weeks ago.
This time however, Gerry had learned a lesson and had kept some money to pay for his journey.
Gerry approached the first taxi in the rank. He said to the driver, "Look, I don't have any money left and I need to get to Paisley. I'll give you a blow job if you take me". The shocked driver looked at him with incredulous eyes, "Get outta here ya dirty bastard"
"Ya filthy dirty bastard, feck off"

Gerry fecked off to the second taxi in the rank, the driver who had refused him two weeks ago. "Oh it's you again" said the driver,
"What's the matter with him?" gesturing toward the first taxi in the rank. "I don't know" said Gerry, "He's not in a good mood",
"Will you take me to Paisley?"
The driver said "Do you have money this time?"
Gerry said "Sure, no problem, I can pay this time"
The driver said "Okay then, get in"

Gerry turns to face the driver of the first taxi in the rank who has been watching and proceeds to give him a big smile
and the two thumbs up sign.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

To be advised...

Lynda tagged me.

It’s very simple. When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)

Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general.

After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!

Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you'll have 100 enemies links already!

1. Look, read, and learn. ****

2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. ******

3. Don’t let money change ya! *****

4. Always reply to your comments****

5. Blog about what you know & love.***

6. Spread the linky love. (Link your friends.)**

7. Don't post anything you wouldn't say to a person's face.*

8. Rules of Blogging, #1 is 'No obligations'.

I tag:
Boris Karloff
Helen of Troy
Rutger Hauer
Loreena McKennitt
Donald Trump
The 16 year old guy from JC Penny
Jeff Albertson
Ralph Wiggum
Tom Cruise
Anyone reading this who feels inclined.