Friday, September 22, 2006

Be careful what you wish for...

The Forbes 400

No. 9: Andres Miller

Net worth (£bil): 23.0 (up)

Source: Time Travel software

Age: 50; Marital status: Single, one chicken

Residence: Edinburgh, Scotland.

Education: Open University, dropout

In September the TimeLord Inc chief visionary announced his new product, the latest from the company he founded 17 years ago. The OU dropout who has promised "to make Anne Altman a billionaire before next Wednesday" is now focusing time circuits on defrauding the world's bookmakers of all their funds. He has tested his Time Travel Software by insulting the population of the Planet Earth in alphabetical order. This has taken him 14,077,876 years and is now tired and completely knackered. He has already virtually funded the well known and beloved Bloggers Jen at Casual Slack, Doctor Mom at You've Got 2B Kidding and Zed at the World According To Zed. He is working on new sources of income and hopes someday to grow up and become a useful adult. The company is pushing Time Travel software into PCs, TV set-top boxes, games consoles and cell phones. Upcoming features include Omega Man and Soylent Green scenarios, due early 2009.

7 Comments:

Blogger Teri said...

I would LOVE me some time travel software.

11:23 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

I want be funded too! I need to be funded. Please fund me :)

8:10 AM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

Sans---
While I appreciate the virtual funding... you cannot officially take credit for it until your post-dated check clears my bank. I deposited the funds in my account on September 17th, but given the paper trail between America and Scottland, I anticipate I will know in 10 business days after the deposit if the check clears your account.

But... I really do want some time... so if the check doesn't clear the bank, may I please have an equal trade in time?

12:02 PM  
Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

Yes Doctor Mom, you can have as much interstitial time as you desire. I have every confidence that the check/cheque will clear OK though. Have you given any consideration to the use to which this additional time might be put?
You could have anything on this Planet, yours to do with as you please, including the Planet itself. Yourself, in sole charge of everyone & everything on the Planet. For eight hours...

3:04 PM  
Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

Mel, of course you can have funding. I shall get on the blower to Antigua and find out what reserves I have available.

Just to be clear, we are talking money here, not
f u N D i n g ?

3:19 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

I would definitely PAY for some time travel software. Will that be sitting next to the Final Fantasy II games in my local software store?

6:07 PM  
Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

Teri,
The Company is having a little difficulty with the NSA
who are insisting the software is a munition. Under 427 PART 121—THE UNITED STATES MUNITIONS LIST.

(1) Military cryptographic (including key
management) systems, equipment, assemblies,
modules, integrated circuits, components
or software with the capability of
maintaining secrecy or confidentiality of information
or information systems, including
equipment and software for tracking, telemetry
and control (TT&C) encryption and
decryption.

The software could be used for all these things. In fact there are only two NSA agents I have spoken to actually 'get' it, the power this software gives anyone.

The power source alone for the ITGR can power the Planet. It does for eight hours.
It's starting to get scary...

9:38 AM  

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