Monday, October 06, 2008

Sans And The City...

Two Thousand years ago, Special K had a guess the mystery item competition and I was a joint winner with Adam Avitable. Special K kindly sent me an adult themed prize which was nice because someday I hope to be an adult. Since my admission in the post below regarding my sole lifetime happy moment in the heady summer heat of July 1983, it is probably apparent that my social intercourse skills are poor & limp. This adult themed prize then, is most welcome, since I have much to learn.

The box of adult bodily goodies contained firstly, an instruction Book on how to please ones Lover titled 'Sexual Energy Ecstasy' that has already tired me out just looking at the illustrations. This is absolutely necessary for me as my idea of foreplay is shouting "Away the Lads!" at the appropriate moment. I have decided not to post any pictures of the illustrations. If you disagree with this decision, you may leave a comment to that effect. Please state clearly your desire to see the illustrations and remember to leave your name so that we all can see who is that desperate.

Secondly, A board game called 'HUMP', in which the final move results in exactly what it says on the tin. The instructions are below.

Special K also sent one pink and green matching penises, that may be pencil erasers, or alternative HUMP game markers.

Click upon penises for enlargement.

A bottle of 'Lights Out' glow in the dark massage lotion, that really does glow in the dark!, very useful for demonstrating how bacteria are spread on a peanut butter sandwich, and shown below, a bottle of 'Ultra Glide' lubricant, which will come in handy for my sticky drawers.

Finally, lubricant sachets of Banana Dickalicious, Raspberry, Tangy Tangerine and Revelation that will be much better than my current lubricant, a knob of butter as preferred by Marlon Brando. Thank you Special K!


Blogger Cooper Green said...

I never thought of clicking it! This will be bad news for spammers, let me tell you.

3:59 PM  
Blogger Cooper Green said...

And another thing. Maybe it's the Hump game designer, but more probably the graphic artist, who has never tried to maintain an interesting lovemaking session while his (or her parter's) toes are curled into a backwards footfist, all the while trying to pleasure a fairly robust-looking female who must be testing his tarsal resilience and causing him to wonder if there couldn't possibly be smaller girls around.

4:04 PM  
Anonymous metalmom said...

Click upon penises for enlargement.

Oh if it were only that easy.....

5:47 PM  
Blogger SkylersDad said...

There are rules to hump? Damn, all this time I have just been "winging it"...

And Metalmom, some days all it takes is a gentle breeze.

6:14 PM  
Anonymous Blogger censorship police said...

Call me.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Just Dave said...

Wow, that's a lot better than The Redneck Sex Manual:

1. Thrust penis into vagina.
2. Partially withdraw.
3. Repeat if necessary.

2:49 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

Okay, f-in hilarious!!!! I will never, ever, ever eat Special K again and not think of this post. OMG!

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said... TMI about you and special K

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey can I have the manual when you're done with it??? Those pics would go great on my sidebar.

9:58 AM  
Blogger Special K said...

This made me laugh my arse off.
you are so adorable.
I certainly hope you enjoy those, and if not 're-gift' them...LOLOL

12:08 AM  
Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

Coop, if not click, then flick. Works for me. Now you mention it, his knee seems a little large. If it is his knee.

MetalMom, it's all in the wrist action...

ChrisSD, you may just be the exceptional proof. So that's what is meant by getting the wind up!

Blogger Censorship Police, I will do that. Thank you!

Dave, Thrust is a good word!

Jessica, Breakfast sex is good sex.

Anonymous, breakfast envy?

Dick, I can't get past page 33!

Special K, thank you for the prize. I'm sure my Mother will be very pleased at Christmas!

11:15 AM  

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